The first reason is because I reached my financial goal on Friday of DEBT FREE!! I should have been looking for something financial to come up that would throw a dent in that.
And secondly, my first thought was to miss church and take care of the tire rather than waiting until after. I am thankful that my ride did not feel the same way. I needed to be at church tonight. God had a message he wanted me to hear.
In our women's group on Wednesday nights, we are doing a 5 week study on our identity in Christ. It's interesting that I am a table leader for this study because I am far from being a leader on this particular subject. Of all the things the Bible teaches about regarding our relationship with Christ, I probably struggle with my own personal identity in Christ the most. Oh, I believe it for everyone else, but for myself I find it is a struggle I wrestle with often.
Years ago, in college, I remember this struggle clearly. And on days where I need some help remembering my identity, I can still hear my sweet friend Christina's voice as she lifted up my chin and said "lift up your head, you are a daughter of the King."
Psalm 139 says God knows my every thought before I say it out loud. He sees everything about me. He knows me deeply and intimately because he created me. All of my days were ordained. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
These are beautiful words, but at the depths, they are hard to grasp. It's hard for me to see myself this way, or to imagine that God would. I see myself through the eyes of the world, and through the way I perceive others to see me.
Don't get me wrong, I acknowledge positive qualities in myself, I'm not saying I think I'm a bad person or worthless or anything like that. But if I'm being honest, in those deep places of my mind, I don't quite get it yet. How can God know the craziness of my thoughts and my selfish ways and still see me as wonderful. How does he see me as beautiful. And even when writing that, I feel guilty. Because that is like saying he created something imperfect, which I know he doesn't do. So I should see myself as beautiful and wonderful because He made me and He doesn't make mistakes.
And so it is a battle. Which means I need to be listening to messages like we had tonight. Messages that acknowledge that this battle exists. Messages that remind me who I am in Christ. Messages that teach me how to put on the armor of God so that I can fight the battle and win. Messages that remind me who God is.
So my stupid tire didn't win tonight. I went to church anyway and heard the message I need to hear. Does it solve everything that is in my heart tonight, no. But joining with a group of ladies and learning about the Word of God helps to work a little deeper into believing the things God says about me. And equips me a little more to fight the battle.
This is the kind of week where the phase that makes the most sense is "The struggle is real."
Matthew West- Child of the One True King
-The Real Me
P
