***So I wrote this blog weeks ago but didn't post it at the time because it didn't feel finished. I just re-read it and I've decided to post it without finishing it. Maybe it's better that way...because I'm a work in progress and my journey isn't finished yet either.***
Do you love me enough to give me your dream? Are you willing to surrender your life for me? Am I worthy of your devotion?
Being able to answer this question doesn't mean God is going to make you give up your dreams...but if He did, would you still love Him. Is Jesus enough for you. Is he enough for me?
I have this dream. It consumes my thoughts sometimes. It's not a unique dream, many other people have the same dream. But what if I never get it. Will it cause me to be angry with God? Will it make me question his love for me?
If I'm being honest, which is supposed to be the purpose of this blog, right now I cannot say 100% that I am willing to surrender it. I wish I could say that, I know I'm supposed to say that...but I'm not there yet. And I hate it. I hate that ugly part of me deep inside that is selfish. I've actually said to myself and to God in recent weeks "How good of a person do I have to be, how good of a Christian, when can you stop stretching me. Other people get to have this dream, why can't I?" Yuck, right? I know God can handle it. He's not surprised by our thoughts. But I don't want to be that person...and He knows that too. He loves me to much to keep me in that place of distrust and pride. Because it's not about how good a person I am or even how good a Christian I am.
Please hear me, I do not believe that if I surrender my dream that it will give God permission to take my dream away. I don't have that kind of power. God knows my future; he knows the plans he has for me; he know what the fulfillment of my dream looks like. That is not the point.
The point is that God wants all of me. He wants me to go deeper with him so that he can give me more joy that I can currently imagine. He wants that for me, but it's not really about me. It's about him. Jesus died for me. How often do I stop and really think about that. He died, He was murdered, He suffered pain and agony, for me. So that I could love him and he could love me. What does that mean to me? What does that mean to you? Because he did the same for you.
-The Real Me