Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Ramblings of a Single Girl

**Disclaimer: This is one of those posts where you are entering the depths of how a single girl thinks...well, how this single girl thinks anyway. You've been warned. Then again, maybe you feel this way sometimes too...

I almost didn't publish this blog but a good friend encouraged me to. Being "The Real Me" is an intriguing concept, but sometimes it's not easy.


"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind...for me it happens all the time." Lady Antebellum
You with your beautiful smile that lights up a room.
You with a hug that radiates safety.
You with a kindness that can make anyone feel comfortable.
You with a presence of confidence.

I don't understand the "rules", I probably never will. I'm praying God can work around that. That He can connect me with a person that understands my awkwardness. As well as my ability to be both too shy and too brave at the same time. I'm never really sure if I should sit back and wait for an opportunity to smack me in the face, or if I should take chances when I think they are worth it. Did you know that if you ask 20 different people relationship advice, that you will get 20 different answers? This is true in both religious circles and non-religious circles. Maybe there is no right and wrong when it comes to trying to connect with another person (I am not speaking physically here...I DO believe there is right and wrong with that aspect).

But then, if there is no right and wrong and it is a matter of preference...how do you know what the other person's preference is? I mean, what if you feel like it's perfectly fine to ask another person on a date, but that other person finds it pushy? What if the result is better if you wait. But what if you wait and the other person never knows that you are interested.

And then there is that risk of rejection and the fear that you might lose a friend...or ruin an opportunity to have a friend because of the lingering awkwardness.

Some believe that none of that matters and if it is meant to be then God will work it all out regardless of the steps you take. Others will say "when you stop looking, then "it" will happen". I don't really know that I agree with either of these particular thoughts. Does God have the power to work things out regardless of the choices we make? Yes, He does. But will He? I'm not sure.

And then there is online dating, which is so confusing to me. The rules are totally different there. When you meet someone in person, all of the thoughts above are in play. But online, everyone is looking for someone to date, right? So people talk, flirt, and meet with the understanding that you are seeking a relationship, right? Why is it okay to be this way when you meet someone online, but it's not okay when you meet someone in person (or what I call, the old-fashioned way)? Shouldn't connecting with people in your own area, social circles, churches, etc...be easier? I may have mentioned this before, but there are a lot of things that bother me about online dating, yet I still have a "profile". Everybody says this is how people meet these days. And sometimes I give it a ligitimate try, but most of the time I go in cynical. Now it's even worse since I went through that human trafficking training...I don't really trust any online strangers.

I have heard LOTS of people's special stories. And so I know that every story is different. What "works" for some doesn't work for others and vice versa. Why do I get so frustrated? Why do I let it get to me? Should I just let it all go?

I spent several years of my life stuck. Believing that I had found the man that God had for me. I fell in love and I knew that I would do anything for this man when we ended up together. But then we didn't end up together and I spend way too long confused and longing for something that would never be. After working through the emotions of that, and after seeing some relationships of people close to me break apart, I decided that being single wasn't so bad and if that is the path God has for me, I am okay with it. I focused on work and on friendships and the things that matter to me the most. And for 3ish years I was totally content with this. Today, there is still a part of me that is content with the idea of singleness if that is what my life holds, but my heart has been awakened to the idea of love once again and I believe that God created me to share my life with another person.

At 33 years old, I'm a pretty independent person and I know when the time comes, there will be challenges in merging my life with another. But I also believe that the pros will outweigh the cons because I will have waited for that person who will love me and who will desire to be loved by me. It will be worth it. But I still can't figure out the rules...

So I wait. And I pray. And I wrestle. And I dream. And I hope. And I fear. And I wonder. How far away is my someday?

-The Real Me

Lover All Alone by Clay Aiken: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY69CiNfWok&index=3&list=PLGzTpX4txyFD1-TbSZrRYNlShoiYzrnwA


Dani S said...

I'm willing to be a sounding board for any single friends, but I know better than to offer advice. I didn't really know the rules back when I was single, and last year I passed the line where I've been married more years than I was unmarried. There isn't much I could say that would help a single woman in 2014 :-).

Kim Bartley said...

Wow! Have you been in my head?! I definitely feel this way a lot! And I'm navigating single life after having been married for 17 years! The awkwardness is still there and the confusion is so hard to deal with! You're right though, it's different for everyone. I just hope I survive the second time around because it's harder! Thank you for sharing!