**Note: Blog was written a couple weeks ago but I needed to wait in posting until today.
So earlier in the week I wrote about a speaker I heard on Tuesday night
talking about dreams and daring to make changes in your life to follow these
dream. You can read this previous post to get a basis for my thoughts on this.
Then, on Thursday I found out a coworker is making some changes in her life to
follow her dreams. First I am going to say that I am so happy for her. I
believe the choices she is making in her life will bring her to great things
and the Lord is going to use her mightily in anything that he directs her too.
She will be blessed and her family will be blessed. But I admit that this
change for her is hard for me. In my selfishness I want her there, in my life,
everyday. She is much more my friend and mentor than she is my coworker. She is
like family to me. I would guess that she probably knows more about me than
just about anyone else. Over the last 8 years she has been a steady presence in
my life. We have gone through the trenches together and come out the other
side. I honestly can't image what it will be like if she isn't there.
I know that change is necessary, and I'm usually much better with change
than most people, but this particular change hurts my heart a little...okay
right now it hurts alot. Many people have come in and out of my life and I know I
have gone in and out of the lives of others. These types of changes are the
hardest because of the difficulty most of us have with opening our hearts to
let people in in the first place. When you open your heart you become
vulnerable to pain. For some, this causes them to shut down and put up walls so
they never have to feel hurt again. I can understand the desire to do this
because my heart has been hurt several times in small ways and in big ways. But
my desire is still to love and be loved and so I must deal with the pain.
Of course my hope is that I will remain friends with this beautiful
lady forever, no matter where she goes and no matter where I go but I know this
too is difficult as life changes. And so I will remember the impact she has had
on my life and the lessons she has taught me. I will remember how I look through her eyes because she sees strength and courage in me even when I am feeling down about
myself. I will remember the moments she has taken out of her busy day to help me
think through the craziness in my head. I will remember the prayers she has
prayed and continues to pray on my behalf about my future spouse. I will
remember her smiles, encouragment, hugs and laughter. I will remember her
beautiful voice and the fun we have singing and learning music together. And my
prayer is that we will have many more memories to come.
But right now I am going to cry a little and I'm going to know that God is THE ONLY constant in my life and that even when I am selfish and when my head is telling me I am alone, I know that I know that God loves me and will never leave me and that he sees my future and the people He will place in my heart as I continue open myself up. And I will be thankful for the moments in time where friends place little pieces of joy in my heart.
Michael W Smith-Friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOCJAVlESEo
-The Real Me