Change

**Note: Blog was written a couple weeks ago but I needed to wait in posting until today.

"Change comes with pain, but the pain of staying the same will eventually be worse."

So earlier in the week I wrote about a speaker I heard on Tuesday night talking about dreams and daring to make changes in your life to follow these dream. You can read this previous post to get a basis for my thoughts on this. Then, on Thursday I found out a coworker is making some changes in her life to follow her dreams. First I am going to say that I am so happy for her. I believe the choices she is making in her life will bring her to great things and the Lord is going to use her mightily in anything that he directs her too. She will be blessed and her family will be blessed. But I admit that this change for her is hard for me. In my selfishness I want her there, in my life, everyday. She is much more my friend and mentor than she is my coworker. She is like family to me. I would guess that she probably knows more about me than just about anyone else. Over the last 8 years she has been a steady presence in my life. We have gone through the trenches together and come out the other side. I honestly can't image what it will be like if she isn't there.

I know that change is necessary, and I'm usually much better with change than most people, but this particular change hurts my heart a little...okay right now it hurts alot. Many people have come in and out of my life and I know I have gone in and out of the lives of others. These types of changes are the hardest because of the difficulty most of us have with opening our hearts to let people in in the first place. When you open your heart you become vulnerable to pain. For some, this causes them to shut down and put up walls so they never have to feel hurt again. I can understand the desire to do this because my heart has been hurt several times in small ways and in big ways. But my desire is still to love and be loved and so I must deal with the pain.

Of course my hope is that I will remain friends with this beautiful lady forever, no matter where she goes and no matter where I go but I know this too is difficult as life changes. And so I will remember the impact she has had on my life and the lessons she has taught me. I will remember how I look through her eyes because she sees strength and courage in me even when I am feeling down about myself. I will remember the moments she has taken out of her busy day to help me think through the craziness in my head. I will remember the prayers she has prayed and continues to pray on my behalf about my future spouse. I will remember her smiles, encouragment, hugs and laughter. I will remember her beautiful voice and the fun we have singing and learning music together. And my prayer is that we will have many more memories to come.

But right now I am going to cry a little and I'm going to know that God is THE ONLY constant in my life and that even when I am selfish and when my head is telling me I am alone, I know that I know that God loves me and will never leave me and that he sees my future and the people He will place in my heart as I continue open myself up. And I will be thankful for the moments in time where friends place little pieces of joy in my heart.

Michael W Smith-Friends:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOCJAVlESEo

-The Real Me